Lol. It’s not like someone reads my blog or i blog like every other day. But whatever. Comments are always welcome.

The sun hasn’t shown up yet when me and my friend Sieg boarded a bus to the little town of Candelaria in Quezon yesterday. We went there for the funeral of DJ’s grandmother who passed away earlier this week. It was a 2-hour ride and I was having mixed emotions along the way. I was nervous because i’d be meeting DJ’s dad for the first time. A little excited because i’d be meeting most of his relatives from his father’s side. Curious because it’s actually gonna be my first time to attend a funeral.

We got off the bus and got to the house right away since it was so easy to spot and the directions given to me by DJ’s cousin was clear enough for us to be able to get there hassle free. I was immediately greeted by his cousin, Kuya Carlo and his daughter Lae. Then followed by DJ’s aunts, Mommy Tess and Tita Ea,  whom I have already met and had lunch with twice. And then I was introduced to Tita Joy, their eldest sister who has been in Quezon since that time she arrived from the States.

After saying his and hellos to everybody who were there at the receiving area, I walked towards the casked and said a little prayer for Lola Catalina or Lola Nena. I wish I met her earlier. DJ told me before that should we have a daughter in the future, he would want us to name it after her.

Soon after, I got to meet DJ’s dad. It went okay. I gave him DJ’s NMAT Registration Forms and the phone I got himThen we were ushered to the kitchen for breakfast and we sat down with his dad, Tita Joy and this  family friend of theirs who was making kwento about his travels. After breakfast,we just hung out and waited for more people to come. I got to meet more relatives and family friends of DJ. There was this certain pride everytime his titas or dad would introduce me as “girlfriend ni Jay”. It was music to my ears. Oh and what’s really nice and touching is that his relatives were even the ones approaching  me and they’re all so nice, friendly and very accommodating. We were talking as if we’ve known each other for a long time. I just felt so at home. It was just sooo overwhelming.

Before lunch, Sieg, DJ’s Dad and I were just hanging out waiting for more people to come. I was also talking to Tita Glo, the wife of Tito Rod, DJ’s tito. She was very very nice and she told me a lot of stories about her family. Such a sweet sweet lady. Then I finally got to meet Ate Flor whom I have only seen thru Skype when she was still in the States.

The Eulogy

So after lunch, we went to the Church nearby for the eulogy and the mass. I fell in love with the church. There was this deep profound feeling that I just wanna be there again, and I wish DJ would be there the next time I visit the church or the whole of Candelaria. The eulogy was short and meaningful. I learned more and more about Lola Nena as each person took his/her turn talking about her. She was a beautiful woman. A person of strength and of character. Someone who always smells so good. Very religous, generous and full of love. I felt bad I didn’t get to meet her before.She and her husband, Lolo Mac, have been married for 60 years. I know, right? WOW.

The Funeral

We went to the cemetery after for the funeral. It was tough. I don’t really know Lola Nena enough but the last glimpse before laying her to rest had me crying so bad. It’s like I felt everyone’s grief. Sieg told me that he likes going to funerals because that’s where true emotions come out and after that, there’s this temporary relief. He was right. After that, there was this light feeling upon retuning back to their house. We had merienda and everyone was back to normal. Talking, laughing, eating. The atmosphere wasn’t as heavy anymore. I know it’s for a brief moment only since there’s still a lot of people around. But come night time when everybody starts going home, that’s where it’ll sink in that she’s gone.

To Lola Nena, I wish I met you earlier but even just for a brief moment. Im glad I get to catch a glimpse of you and be with you til the very end. I know you’re in a better place now with Lolo Mac. I’ll take good care of DJ and love him as much as I can. Hopefully we’ll get to be like you and Lolo Mac.

Conclusion

All in all, the trip to Candelaria was an amazing experience. It’s very owhelming. I was missing DJ so much the whole time I was there. I fell in love with him again..through his family and relatives and Candelaria. I don’t really know how to explain it. I’m still on a high. It was really sad when Sieg and I got on the bus to Manila. I wanted to stay more and mingle with them. It feels as if I stayed there for more than a day! It’s weird. Maybe because I felt so welcomed and loved and at home. I didn’t expect such treatment and accommodation. I thank the Lord for the opportunity of bringing me there and meeting everyone. I hope that I get to do that again, a happier occassion and not a funeral anymore. Hopefully i’m gonna be going  with DJ by that time.

It was a month I have always feared. I anticipated bad things to happen. True enough, a whole bunch of them did. It was a frenzy of unfortunate events and the last one totally turned my world upside down.

Honestly, I barely made it. It was a struggle for two but if one let’s go,everything else will start dragging you down. It was dark and stormy and I was stuck in a quicksand and it was bringing me down every minute. Still, I wasn’t giving up. I had no intentions of doing so. I kept hanging on to whatever  was available to grasp on. Just when I thought I was about go down completely, a hand reaches down and grabs me out of it. A hand I’ve always longed for.

Storms happen and sometimes, it just catches you off guard. I find comfort in the fact that it can’t forever rain. Sooner or later, the sun will come shining again and if you’re lucky, it comes with a rainbow  that promises a new day…new hope and maybe, just maybe it won’t ever happen again.

Thank you,DJ. Thanks for coming around. Happy 18th.

I love you.

Ever since I joined the work force, I hardly spent money on myself. I would usually spend my money buying stuff for my family or for DJ. So yeah, it’s about time I spend my hard-earned money on myself .And here’s what i finally got:

Sony Cybershot W130

It felt very rewarding the moment I held it with my very hands. This baby is my gift to myself for my birthday and for Christmas. I’m already a happy happy kid. Originally, I wanted The Sony Cybershot T2 because it had the right shade of pink for me, but then I had to choose the W130 because it had better features. I scurried the internet for reviews and asked a lot of people for their opinions about it, and it all boiled down to me getting the W130.

Healing

I was browsing through my old notebook of quotes from college and I found this:

Pain. You just have to ride it out. You can only hope it goes away on its own, hoping the wounds that caused it heals. There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside.

The quote above was from an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. It was Meredith Grey who said that and I couldn’t agree more. It’s going to take a while for this one to subside. I just want you to know that I could not be any prouder of how we both took care of this, on how we both handled the bumps and end up falling in love again. This, too, shall pass. but not anytime soon.

I’ve been hurt one too many times before but this was utterly different. It’s profundity has reached the depths of my soul pricking it with such intense pressure, killing me every second. It’s like a soul burning in hell pleading for death but can’t really be granted thereof.

At the end of this miserable day, all I ever wanted was to still be with that person and talk  about how life-threatening this day has become. Unfortunately, all I ever have right now is this blog to seek refuge on.

1. I was able to get a feel of what independence was like. For three nights, Kyle and I had to stay at a condo due to some event at work. During those nights, we got the chance to experience going out late at night and coming home during the wee hours in the morning not minding how early our call time was that day. I just felt so much liberation during those days.

2. For the 21 years of my existence, I’ve always had straight hair. Well, not anymore, I dont.. It was an impulsive decision but I have been wanting to sport the wavy slash curly do for ages. I just lacked the courage to do it since I was scared it might not turn out the way I’ve always wanted it to be. Props to Mr. Tony of Tony and Jackey Makati branch for being patient with me with my last-minute decision. It turned out fab!

3. Eversince I started working and realized how money is so hard to come by these days, I re-adjusted my lifestyle from my shopaholic self to a more practical and thrifty individual. Back in college, I used to have most of the things I ever wanted. Now is a different story. I kind of deprived myself from a lot of things but I decided to give myself a break this month. I went shopping a bit and got myself new clothes and shoes. It felt good and rewarding. This is my advance birthday gift for myself. Channeling practical and thrifty individual…right about…NOW.

All in all, August was such a ball of fun. I got to do things I haven’t done for a long time. It was all in all, a great month. Now that September is just a few hours away (while i’m typing this), let me wish you all a great month ahead. =)

Just before I retire and drift off to sleep, I pray and thank God for giving you to me like I always do every night.  This time, I thank him especially for the gift of sight and for giving us the resources to make sleeping beside each other possible.

I have faith and i believe that someday soon it won’t be like this anymore. Someday soon, I’d actually feel you next to me while you’re asleep. Someday soon, we’ll be sharing the same pillows and blanket. Someday soon, I won’t have to watch you sleep through my laptop anymore. Someday soon, i’ll actually be lying right beside you and fall in love with you all over again. =)

In my case, the beach is my happy place. My ultimate sweet escape. It’s where I find the peace of mind that is so hard to come by especially when you live in the city. I am just so in love with the beach and everything that comes along with it, most especially the sunset. It has this profound beauty that never fails to amaze me and would always leave me breathless in the end.

I found a few photos i took last year during a trip to Peninsula de Punta Fuego. One of my favorite places in the world

I would love to sit here every afternoon and watch the sun set off to slumber.

This photo makes me sigh.

I wanna have a view same as this one when I have my own house. Wouldn't it be nice to wake up to this every day?

I wish i were at the beach right now. But hey, a happy place doesn’t necessarily have to be a place. It can be anything or anyone that makes you really happy. Aside from the beach, my happy place is DJ or anywhere else as long as I’m with him. Being with him feels like home.

Where is your happy place? =)

Good thing, I have a man who is very capable of putting up with my nasty mood swings brought about by the monster that is PMS. I takes A LOT for a guy to still love you during those days when you may seem like the most bitchy and naggy girlfriend in the world. My guy handles it soo well. I have no idea where he gets all the patience he has.

Anyway here’s what DJ said when I told him I was having PMS:

“Awww, i’ll still love you sooo much even if you have PMS every day for the rest of our lives”

And just earlier this day when I told him I woke up at the wrong side of the bed agaon:

“Aww..when we’re together, you won’t ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed. ‘Cause i’ll be sleeping on that side of the bed”

Sometimes he just blows me away and I love him heaps for that.